I feel like I am running on one constantly!
Lately I have been feeling slightly crazy.
Literally.
I am having such a hard time focusing on anything.
I can't seem to keep up with things.
Like the house, laundry, kids, husband, work, etc...
I will start one task and the next thing I know I am doing some other random thing and the initial task is not completed.
The other day I got Marshall's lunch ready and about 4 hours later realized I left the whole bag of frozen applesauce cubes on the counter.
I can't remember the last time I made an official trip to the grocery store.
Haven't clipped coupons in weeks.
The flyers are stacking up.
The stack is quite intimidating actually.
This is not me.
I find myself looking forward to nap time and bed time.
This frustrates me because I love spending time with my family and I don't like it when I am wishing it away.
I feel so crazy inside.
My head is spinning with thoughts, tasks, wants, needs, plans.
I get short with Mia when it is unnecessary.
Sometimes her 50 millionth question just pushes me over the edge and I feel like I can't take any more.
She asks me to play with her and I say "No, I have to do x,y or z."
I used to have so much time to play with her, and I enjoyed it.
Lately it is feeling like a job.
I can't seem to get enough rest.
When I do sleep I have the craziest dreams.
Thus my sleep doesn't seem very restful.
I feel like I don't spend enough time interacting with my sweet boy.
I just try to find things to keep him occupied.
I need to quiet my head.
I want to enjoy my family.
I have to do the dishes, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, wash everyone's clothes, bathe the kiddos, straighten up the house, then get up and do it all over again.
Oh ya, I also have a full time job.
Good grief.
I was hoping venting here a little would make me feel better.
Not so much.
The dryer is beeping, I have to go fold some clothes...
Um, is it bad that I have felt that exact way for a few years now? There are those moments when you can let things slide and really just enjoy the family time, and I cherish those moments immensely. I have definitely learn to let most things go. I will never be as organized and clean as I was when I just had Luke. Never! But I try and remember, they will be gone soon and I have the rest of my old lady life to clean and organize and not serve cheerios for dinner because I didn't make it to the store.
ReplyDeleteFunny thought, I call this feeling, my defensive plays. It's rare that I get on the offensive and I'm actually ahead of the game and anticipating and ready for all the plays of the day. Usually I just react to the current moment, my defensive mode. lol.
Hang in there!!!! I'm right there with you!
Bravo, Rissy Roo, for letting you know that this is the "working mom with 2(or more)small children" part of your life! You are not alone, and the only women that get through this part of life without feeling "crazy" are the ones that have someone else raising their children and taking care of their home full time. You don't want that, Honey. You'll find a way to get some quiet time and decide what can wait until some other day. Give up striving for perfection and give yourself permission to have joy! xoxoxo!!! mama°
ReplyDeleteLIFE is not perfect sweety. Just because your home isn't in perfect order is NOT a reflection on you. A little mess is good. Means you have a life and people you love in that life. Time for a night out with your man I think!! Sometimes we can feel unappreciated and need to be fawned over a bit. Nothing wrong with that. One good deed deserves another as they say. Listen to those who haved lived through it or are in it. They can relate to your feelings for sure!! Love you xoxoxox
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